Wednesday, September 20, 2006

where next?

For the last month or more, I have been slogging like maaaaad...! In a span of 3 months, I will be facing quite a few exams.. exams which will determine my career path significantly.. The fact that I am working right now, apart from helping me with some funds and adding a few more months to my work ex, only adds to the pressure! I had a bad back ache for quite some time.. mostly cuz of work place furniture and due to studying after work with bad back rest at home.. Two of my closest friends flew to the US for dunno how long, abt a month back.. N I had a lil trouble compartmentalising and focussing on what needs to be done, leaving behind the emotional aspect completely!

Yesterday I gave one of the exams I was due to give and I fared 'ok' in it.. as in, I dint do great.. And I dint do badly either.. its an average performance.. say over 77 - 78 %.. Not like I am proud of that, but I know, being true to myself, that I have given it everything I can in the circumstances that I have been in.. There were days when I was so low and lonely, tired and wary and noone to back me up, and when I was emotionally quite unstable I still kicked myself back to studies.. I know I have worked really hard.. The fact that people have been quite indifferent towards this thing which is so important to me only disheartens me.. It may not seem like I have slogged to anyone else, proly cuz I aint good at expressing my fatigue and tiredness most of the times, but I know how much stress and strain I have been under.. And at times like these, you would but naturally expect ur nearest and dearest ones to unconditionally back u up.. well.. anyways! life is like that.. right?

Hmm.. this is one point in my life that there are a million questions and choices springing in my head everyday.. N I am unsure about so many things.. very much like most other people my age, I know.. Personally, professionally and in so many other aspects, I feel quite lost.. And for the first time ever, I detest this uncertainity about every damn thing..! All my life I enjoyed dealing with something unpredicatble... now I am having an over dose of it!! n I dont enjoy it.. not any more!!
whatever..!! or rather wherever!!

This aint no symapthy/empathy seeking blog.. I dont even recommend u to comment.. This is just my way of venting out some of the frustration that has built up in me.. my way of letting out some of those depressing and scary thoughts..
not like I have not tried other means of doin the same.. but well..
thas it.. I have let u in on something very important to me and rather personal... I dont even care about a reaction!