I look at the calendar and it says October 1, 2008.
Thoughts run through my head from all corners of my life…
15 days into internship already… As an MBA, one of the things that you look forward to is your two month stint with the corporate world.. for many reasons.. one, you are away from the B School life.. like wow! Dint you just need a break? Two, you earn some money, finally!! Three, you expect to have a more relaxed life than you have had in the recent past.. finally, lucky few get to stay at home with family and friends..
For me, all the above have been true… I’m just too glad to be home, apart from the fact that I’m not getting to sleep as many hours as I had calculated when I left Mumbai.. Being an intern at Wipro at the Corporate office has been fun so far.. I have a wonderful team and the office is close to home which means riding up on my Kine (have been missing that for a while now!) and of course, good home food.. :) Thank god for small mercies!
The ‘2008’ in the date reminds me that its been a while since I turned 20 and I’m yet to ‘settle down’ like some of my close friends and mom would call it. I feel like saying – “Oh! Please..! Gimme a break!” I don’t know how, why, when, where.. but I feel I’m quite far from getting married if that’s what people are trying hard to push down on me.. For me, marriage is not about ‘settling down’! Its not about getting hooked to someone cuz you are 25.. Its not just about making your parents and grandparents happy cuz they think it’s the ultimate thing in someone’s life! Say no more! I’m tired of all this gyan that people have been showering (read throwing..) on me for God knows how long… For one, I hate the words ‘settle down’.. its unsettling to even hear someone say that! For another, I have had an overdose of these kinda discussions…!
Yet, I patiently tell them all, just this simple thing – when I find someone who I think will be the right partner for me, I’ll get married.. and that I’m yet to be in such a position where I know I wanna be married soon.. There is another thought one of my best buddies has - Seeing someone is not license enough to just get married.. He/she may be the one, but that’s not enough to think of marriage.. There are so many things to do before you think of about it.. We all want a companion, friend, confidante, partner with whom we can share everything, who loves and cares about us like none other, but as a ‘commitment-freak’ generation, we don’t want to think of anything beyond this comfort zone.. Reasons are many.. One could be that it’s too early.. I think I would feel too old if I thought of getting married! Two, many of us don’t believe marriage is essential for a wonderful relationship.. why do you need to get married? You don’t need to prove anything to anyone? Live-in relationships are a better option.. Three, this is perfect, but maybe there is something better out there? Four, I have a lot of company in the unmarried section of the society, who wants to be isolated? So on and so forth…
Hm.. ‘October 1’ reminds me that morrow is Gandhi Jayanti.. which brings memories of last year’s celebrations at SP where we had cultural programmes, video contests et all.. Reminds me of the exhibition of paintings at Juhu by Mr. Ashok Mody (Prof. Pallavi Mody’s husband). Missing all my friends – Rajat, Jaggi, Nishant, Shubham et all who went to the exhibition with me.
Oh ya, that also means morrow is a holiday! No work! Considering am super bored, sleepy and don’t feel like working, I am looking forward to morrow! Yippie!! :) Getting to meet friends also which makes it even more yum! :P
Dussera time too! So dolls decorated and arranged at home, meeting loved ones, loads of sweets and home food! Yo! :) :)
I don’t know if it’s the fact that we are about to break for lunch or that I don’t feel like writing any more about all that is haunting my thoughts or that I’m too lazy, but this post will have to end right here..
PS: my first post from Wipro.. :P hee!
Showing posts with label Reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reflections. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Really??
Have you ever noticed how the people whom you are closest to are the ones that hurt you the most? Although, I don't understand how, but it happens more often than not.
Being the person that I am, I must add the idealistic view to this post :P
OK.. look at it this way..
Why do any two people become friends? Because they enjoy each other's company or they like some attributes about each other or they are similar or opposite to each other.. and the list can go on.. Well, basically its about a comfort level with someone where you feel secure and protected to express what you feel or think, without having to be careful about what you say..
As humans, we are born greedy.. When something is going well, we expect it to be better.. and when it gets better, we want it to be the best.. On one side, this need and craving for something more and better is of course the basis of all kinds of progress at the macro level.. Stop! According to me, this is where we all screw it up with the most important people in our lives.
We expect more and more.. And most often, its like this never quenchable thirst for someone to not just relate to you but also to understand you and get better at being YOU.
Yes, like it or not, somewhere deep within, we all want someone to be very similar to us at the very basic level.. For instance, someone who plans a lot cannot be happy for long with someone who lives life as it comes. To each, it feels like the other person needs some kind of an 'improvement' (read alignment to the style that applies to you). What seems like a silly difference is not silly after all.. Its a very basic difference in character, in personality and it simply forms the basis of someone's reactions and his life, as such..
Nothing wrong.. But probably nothing very right either..
I think friendship is beyond jus matching traits..
In the whole bargain of trying to find a matching friend (read someone who likes what you like and does what you do etc), we end up losing or atleast spoiling things with the 'friend' inside the person.
Like one of my ol' pals said: 'Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of knowing that there is someone with whom you need not weigh your words or hide your thoughts'.
Cheers!
PS: fuzzy post this, I know.. Wrote this loooong back.. somehow cudnt complete it and post it until now! :)
Being the person that I am, I must add the idealistic view to this post :P
OK.. look at it this way..
Why do any two people become friends? Because they enjoy each other's company or they like some attributes about each other or they are similar or opposite to each other.. and the list can go on.. Well, basically its about a comfort level with someone where you feel secure and protected to express what you feel or think, without having to be careful about what you say..
As humans, we are born greedy.. When something is going well, we expect it to be better.. and when it gets better, we want it to be the best.. On one side, this need and craving for something more and better is of course the basis of all kinds of progress at the macro level.. Stop! According to me, this is where we all screw it up with the most important people in our lives.
We expect more and more.. And most often, its like this never quenchable thirst for someone to not just relate to you but also to understand you and get better at being YOU.
Yes, like it or not, somewhere deep within, we all want someone to be very similar to us at the very basic level.. For instance, someone who plans a lot cannot be happy for long with someone who lives life as it comes. To each, it feels like the other person needs some kind of an 'improvement' (read alignment to the style that applies to you). What seems like a silly difference is not silly after all.. Its a very basic difference in character, in personality and it simply forms the basis of someone's reactions and his life, as such..
Nothing wrong.. But probably nothing very right either..
I think friendship is beyond jus matching traits..
In the whole bargain of trying to find a matching friend (read someone who likes what you like and does what you do etc), we end up losing or atleast spoiling things with the 'friend' inside the person.
Like one of my ol' pals said: 'Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of knowing that there is someone with whom you need not weigh your words or hide your thoughts'.
Cheers!
PS: fuzzy post this, I know.. Wrote this loooong back.. somehow cudnt complete it and post it until now! :)
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Inspired by the OPA framework..
O - Objectives P - Principles A - Attributes
' A framework that can be used in any domain..', said Dr. James D Arthur during one of the Virginia Tech contact sessions on 'Software Design and Quality', here at SP. Words enough to switch me into another 'gear' and get my thoughts headed in a parallel direction.
Well.. here I am.. now..
Everyone of us has a purpose, so to say, 'an objective' which we hope to achieve by the end of our lives. Infact, to some, it may be 'a set of objectives.' To achieve these objectives, we formulate some methods or ways of living our lives. These methods or processes are governed by some principles that we lay down for ourselves. Also, we are blessed with attributes such as resilience, strength, character, dynamism, boldness, helpfulness etc... (any adjective that can describe a human being, really! :) )
If you think about it, how happy or how successful we feel at any point in time, depends on how we go through life, within this framework. Whether or not we feel, we have achieved or in the process of achieving our objectives, within the boundaries of what our principles allow us to do, feel or think AND using the potential hidden in our attributes, indeed determines how happy and satisfied we feel with our lives.
On a lighter note, for instance, say Betty's objective is to marry someone really really rich! :D
And say her principles are honesty, sticking to ethics, straight forward behaviour, kindness etc. Betty would do whatever she can to get him, keeping in mind that she should be honest, true in the way she portrays herself, should not do anything illegal, should not harm anyone in the process or whatever else.. :)
And the attributes that might help her achieve her objective could be: intelligence, smartness, beauty and sex appeal, networking skills, communication skills etc etc :D
Yes, there are always constraints thrown in and external factors do sometimes control our lives more than we can. But, the point is those are common to the whole world. Arent they? Right now, I feel like being more of an extreme optimist than a realist, I believe thinking in this framework makes me happy.
So, we all work under constraints and in the OPA framework, unknowingly or not...
This post is dedicated to Arthur Sir for the wonderfully enriching sessions and his truly warm demeanor. Thank you, Sir.. :)
' A framework that can be used in any domain..', said Dr. James D Arthur during one of the Virginia Tech contact sessions on 'Software Design and Quality', here at SP. Words enough to switch me into another 'gear' and get my thoughts headed in a parallel direction.
Well.. here I am.. now..
Everyone of us has a purpose, so to say, 'an objective' which we hope to achieve by the end of our lives. Infact, to some, it may be 'a set of objectives.' To achieve these objectives, we formulate some methods or ways of living our lives. These methods or processes are governed by some principles that we lay down for ourselves. Also, we are blessed with attributes such as resilience, strength, character, dynamism, boldness, helpfulness etc... (any adjective that can describe a human being, really! :) )
If you think about it, how happy or how successful we feel at any point in time, depends on how we go through life, within this framework. Whether or not we feel, we have achieved or in the process of achieving our objectives, within the boundaries of what our principles allow us to do, feel or think AND using the potential hidden in our attributes, indeed determines how happy and satisfied we feel with our lives.
On a lighter note, for instance, say Betty's objective is to marry someone really really rich! :D
And say her principles are honesty, sticking to ethics, straight forward behaviour, kindness etc. Betty would do whatever she can to get him, keeping in mind that she should be honest, true in the way she portrays herself, should not do anything illegal, should not harm anyone in the process or whatever else.. :)
And the attributes that might help her achieve her objective could be: intelligence, smartness, beauty and sex appeal, networking skills, communication skills etc etc :D
Yes, there are always constraints thrown in and external factors do sometimes control our lives more than we can. But, the point is those are common to the whole world. Arent they? Right now, I feel like being more of an extreme optimist than a realist, I believe thinking in this framework makes me happy.
So, we all work under constraints and in the OPA framework, unknowingly or not...
This post is dedicated to Arthur Sir for the wonderfully enriching sessions and his truly warm demeanor. Thank you, Sir.. :)
Sunday, February 03, 2008
A burnt child dreads the fire..
Have you ever felt let down by yourself? When you feel helpless about something that you have done? Thats the worst kind of feeling you can feel! You know you could have done better, but you got mislead by your own judgment, your own reasoning, your own feelings.
Sometimes, things can go so wrong that you get scared of them!
Experts say, experiences in childhood and teenage - whether good or bad, can have tremendous influence on our minds and thoughts. And some of these have such a long term impact on you that your entire being is based on them.
Being attached to people, be it friends or family, has not particularly worked for me. So, every new encounter with a stranger which I can see move gradually towards me being attached to him/her scares me.... drives me up the wall! I know past failures don't determine future events, but the fear of myself is there and it haunts me..
Thats it for now.
Sometimes, things can go so wrong that you get scared of them!
Experts say, experiences in childhood and teenage - whether good or bad, can have tremendous influence on our minds and thoughts. And some of these have such a long term impact on you that your entire being is based on them.
Being attached to people, be it friends or family, has not particularly worked for me. So, every new encounter with a stranger which I can see move gradually towards me being attached to him/her scares me.... drives me up the wall! I know past failures don't determine future events, but the fear of myself is there and it haunts me..
Thats it for now.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Perceptions
Have you ever wondered what perceptions are all about?
Is it about the one who is perceiving? Or is it about the one who is being percieved?
Recently I realised that perceptions are about what you want to see, not necessarily what really is. Then again, who decides what really is, is real? :)
Like there was this friend of mine from class who thought I am never quiet and never reflect.. :D
Can that be farther from reality, now? People who know me can sure vouch for it being exactly the opposite.. especially the latter part.. :P
But well, the point being that's what he thought..
There was this other exercise where each one was asked to identify some qualities in a person which stood out.. And guess what, people actually thought this aimless and goalless person is ambitious!!!! :D
Oh man! cudnt help laughing... really... :))
Perceptions are what I called it, now... :)
Is it about the one who is perceiving? Or is it about the one who is being percieved?
Recently I realised that perceptions are about what you want to see, not necessarily what really is. Then again, who decides what really is, is real? :)
Like there was this friend of mine from class who thought I am never quiet and never reflect.. :D
Can that be farther from reality, now? People who know me can sure vouch for it being exactly the opposite.. especially the latter part.. :P
But well, the point being that's what he thought..
There was this other exercise where each one was asked to identify some qualities in a person which stood out.. And guess what, people actually thought this aimless and goalless person is ambitious!!!! :D
Oh man! cudnt help laughing... really... :))
Perceptions are what I called it, now... :)
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
where next?
For the last month or more, I have been slogging like maaaaad...! In a span of 3 months, I will be facing quite a few exams.. exams which will determine my career path significantly.. The fact that I am working right now, apart from helping me with some funds and adding a few more months to my work ex, only adds to the pressure! I had a bad back ache for quite some time.. mostly cuz of work place furniture and due to studying after work with bad back rest at home.. Two of my closest friends flew to the US for dunno how long, abt a month back.. N I had a lil trouble compartmentalising and focussing on what needs to be done, leaving behind the emotional aspect completely!
Yesterday I gave one of the exams I was due to give and I fared 'ok' in it.. as in, I dint do great.. And I dint do badly either.. its an average performance.. say over 77 - 78 %.. Not like I am proud of that, but I know, being true to myself, that I have given it everything I can in the circumstances that I have been in.. There were days when I was so low and lonely, tired and wary and noone to back me up, and when I was emotionally quite unstable I still kicked myself back to studies.. I know I have worked really hard.. The fact that people have been quite indifferent towards this thing which is so important to me only disheartens me.. It may not seem like I have slogged to anyone else, proly cuz I aint good at expressing my fatigue and tiredness most of the times, but I know how much stress and strain I have been under.. And at times like these, you would but naturally expect ur nearest and dearest ones to unconditionally back u up.. well.. anyways! life is like that.. right?
Hmm.. this is one point in my life that there are a million questions and choices springing in my head everyday.. N I am unsure about so many things.. very much like most other people my age, I know.. Personally, professionally and in so many other aspects, I feel quite lost.. And for the first time ever, I detest this uncertainity about every damn thing..! All my life I enjoyed dealing with something unpredicatble... now I am having an over dose of it!! n I dont enjoy it.. not any more!!
whatever..!! or rather wherever!!
anyway!
This aint no symapthy/empathy seeking blog.. I dont even recommend u to comment.. This is just my way of venting out some of the frustration that has built up in me.. my way of letting out some of those depressing and scary thoughts..
not like I have not tried other means of doin the same.. but well..
thas it.. I have let u in on something very important to me and rather personal... I dont even care about a reaction!
adios!
Yesterday I gave one of the exams I was due to give and I fared 'ok' in it.. as in, I dint do great.. And I dint do badly either.. its an average performance.. say over 77 - 78 %.. Not like I am proud of that, but I know, being true to myself, that I have given it everything I can in the circumstances that I have been in.. There were days when I was so low and lonely, tired and wary and noone to back me up, and when I was emotionally quite unstable I still kicked myself back to studies.. I know I have worked really hard.. The fact that people have been quite indifferent towards this thing which is so important to me only disheartens me.. It may not seem like I have slogged to anyone else, proly cuz I aint good at expressing my fatigue and tiredness most of the times, but I know how much stress and strain I have been under.. And at times like these, you would but naturally expect ur nearest and dearest ones to unconditionally back u up.. well.. anyways! life is like that.. right?
Hmm.. this is one point in my life that there are a million questions and choices springing in my head everyday.. N I am unsure about so many things.. very much like most other people my age, I know.. Personally, professionally and in so many other aspects, I feel quite lost.. And for the first time ever, I detest this uncertainity about every damn thing..! All my life I enjoyed dealing with something unpredicatble... now I am having an over dose of it!! n I dont enjoy it.. not any more!!
whatever..!! or rather wherever!!
anyway!
This aint no symapthy/empathy seeking blog.. I dont even recommend u to comment.. This is just my way of venting out some of the frustration that has built up in me.. my way of letting out some of those depressing and scary thoughts..
not like I have not tried other means of doin the same.. but well..
thas it.. I have let u in on something very important to me and rather personal... I dont even care about a reaction!
adios!
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Incomplete...
Jaane kya dhoondta hai, ae mera dil..
Tujhko kya chaahiye zindagi.....
Have you ever wondered as to what (or should I say who ;) ) completes you...? That which you seem to have been looking for..? Oh! Wait.. In the first place have you ever felt incomplete..?? Ever felt that there is something that you should be having..?
Dont confuse this with the feeling of not being satisfied or the feeling of wanting more..
The one I am referring to is something like.. you have almost finished doing a jig-saw puzzle.. N you think you are getting there.. and you dont find the last piece!
No, its not your purpose in life..
not the goal you have sought out to achieve..
not that one thing you always wanted to do..
not your last wish.. not your ultimate ambition..
not that dream which you always wish would come true..
something beyond all that......
probably a deeper sense of 'your being'.. maybe what is called soulful..
something that you feel is a part of you and still is not with you..
something that you know is there and yet not quite..
hm.. dont know if you are with me..
If you still are (:D), go ahead..
To me falling in love is trying to find that something..
Trying to find that one last piece of yourself..
Wanting to share that one moment of glory, where you feel united with yourself, with that other being.. be it the same sex or otherwise..
This song from Madhumati sung by Lata Mangeshkar has so much more to it.. The tune is haunting.. mesmerizing.. And the lyrics will remain with you forever if you feel them in the song..
here are the lyrics for those of you who prefer it in the devanagiri script..
And here are the lyrics in english.
I love the way she has sung it.. You can feel the pain in her voice..
Check it out..
PS: I wish Backstreet Boys had not used the title for their song.. Although, the song is pretty good, them using this as the title kinda spoilt the effect of the word itself.. :)
Tujhko kya chaahiye zindagi.....
Have you ever wondered as to what (or should I say who ;) ) completes you...? That which you seem to have been looking for..? Oh! Wait.. In the first place have you ever felt incomplete..?? Ever felt that there is something that you should be having..?
Dont confuse this with the feeling of not being satisfied or the feeling of wanting more..
The one I am referring to is something like.. you have almost finished doing a jig-saw puzzle.. N you think you are getting there.. and you dont find the last piece!
No, its not your purpose in life..
not the goal you have sought out to achieve..
not that one thing you always wanted to do..
not your last wish.. not your ultimate ambition..
not that dream which you always wish would come true..
something beyond all that......
probably a deeper sense of 'your being'.. maybe what is called soulful..
something that you feel is a part of you and still is not with you..
something that you know is there and yet not quite..
hm.. dont know if you are with me..
If you still are (:D), go ahead..
To me falling in love is trying to find that something..
Trying to find that one last piece of yourself..
Wanting to share that one moment of glory, where you feel united with yourself, with that other being.. be it the same sex or otherwise..
This song from Madhumati sung by Lata Mangeshkar has so much more to it.. The tune is haunting.. mesmerizing.. And the lyrics will remain with you forever if you feel them in the song..
here are the lyrics for those of you who prefer it in the devanagiri script..
And here are the lyrics in english.
I love the way she has sung it.. You can feel the pain in her voice..
Check it out..
PS: I wish Backstreet Boys had not used the title for their song.. Although, the song is pretty good, them using this as the title kinda spoilt the effect of the word itself.. :)
Saturday, August 20, 2005
unweathered...
As one friend of mine rightly says, there are mostly just two kinds of friends.. the ‘fair weather’ ones and the ‘unfair weather’ ones..
Now, that is pretty self explanatory.. yes.. Let me try and explain what that means to me though..
To me, fair weather friends are simply those with whom u share ur longest laughter.. who bring joy to you.. who add spice to your life.. who are with you when you are happy and gay and all bubbling with energy, when u have ur best to present to the world.. when the sun shines and the moon smiles.. n the beautiful colors of the rainbow make your life seem more worth while.. in cheerful parties and merry making.. when all u want is to blow up ur cash.. when you know your life is so wow! that u could ask for no more.. when all goes well… but these people would rather not be near u when u cant b your best...
…And u will find plenty of people of this type all around you..
And, Unfair weather ones are those friends who seem to always be there when you need a helping hand with life.. when u don’t seem to be able to manage on your own.. when u need a shoulder to cry on.. when u want someone to cling on to.. when u want to crib about all that has gone wrong and all that can.. when u want support and company to make you stable and sure of yourself.. when u want to define your purpose in life.. when u want to sort things out.. when u feel shaky and weak.. when u r down and low.. n everything seems out of place..
but these people cant for anything in the world realize that u r more than just a pile of sorrows and that ur lows are not the only things that define you or ur life..
…And you will find a fair number of such buddies as well..
And then there are those friends who are jus there… always..
Through thick and thin and in the right sense of that phrase..
For whom life is but incomplete without you..
who live a part of your life for you..
Those angels who make every day sunny and bright by just being a part of it.. who make life an absolutely wonderful and enriching experience.. whose thoughts revolve around not just their own lives but yours as well.. who are friends for the sake of friendship..
who stick with you in fair and unfair times…with whom u have laughed and cried.. with whom u can be completely yourself and not when u r happy or down, but always..
who can feel happier for you than you can feel for yourself and who can also get into your shoes when u cant handle it alone.. who complete ur life.. whom nature has destined to set examples.. to be role models.. who know u in and out.. the way u know urself and want to be known.. who mean more to u than u can ever describe.. who symbolize the 'ultimate friendship' if there were to be one such thing.. :) with whom u wanna live and die.. and who are simply larger than life..
"...no one can ever know me..
no one can ever see me..
since u r the only one who knows what its like to be me...."
- Rembrants
Now, that is pretty self explanatory.. yes.. Let me try and explain what that means to me though..
To me, fair weather friends are simply those with whom u share ur longest laughter.. who bring joy to you.. who add spice to your life.. who are with you when you are happy and gay and all bubbling with energy, when u have ur best to present to the world.. when the sun shines and the moon smiles.. n the beautiful colors of the rainbow make your life seem more worth while.. in cheerful parties and merry making.. when all u want is to blow up ur cash.. when you know your life is so wow! that u could ask for no more.. when all goes well… but these people would rather not be near u when u cant b your best...
…And u will find plenty of people of this type all around you..
And, Unfair weather ones are those friends who seem to always be there when you need a helping hand with life.. when u don’t seem to be able to manage on your own.. when u need a shoulder to cry on.. when u want someone to cling on to.. when u want to crib about all that has gone wrong and all that can.. when u want support and company to make you stable and sure of yourself.. when u want to define your purpose in life.. when u want to sort things out.. when u feel shaky and weak.. when u r down and low.. n everything seems out of place..
but these people cant for anything in the world realize that u r more than just a pile of sorrows and that ur lows are not the only things that define you or ur life..
…And you will find a fair number of such buddies as well..
And then there are those friends who are jus there… always..
Through thick and thin and in the right sense of that phrase..
For whom life is but incomplete without you..
who live a part of your life for you..
Those angels who make every day sunny and bright by just being a part of it.. who make life an absolutely wonderful and enriching experience.. whose thoughts revolve around not just their own lives but yours as well.. who are friends for the sake of friendship..
who stick with you in fair and unfair times…with whom u have laughed and cried.. with whom u can be completely yourself and not when u r happy or down, but always..
who can feel happier for you than you can feel for yourself and who can also get into your shoes when u cant handle it alone.. who complete ur life.. whom nature has destined to set examples.. to be role models.. who know u in and out.. the way u know urself and want to be known.. who mean more to u than u can ever describe.. who symbolize the 'ultimate friendship' if there were to be one such thing.. :) with whom u wanna live and die.. and who are simply larger than life..
"...no one can ever know me..
no one can ever see me..
since u r the only one who knows what its like to be me...."
- Rembrants
this is my salute to the few such people in my life..
who are irreplaceable..
who are a part of me and will always be…
who r my greatest assets..
thank you..
I may not say this often.. but u know what u r to me..
life is beautiful only cuz of you.. :)
PS: this one is for you sweetheart.. I would never have known what friendship is if I hadn’t known you..
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
The First Innings...
Today was my first day at work and at my first job :)
This is said to be one of those days that ll always remain in ur memory.
For me it certainly will be..
The mild nervousness….
The excitement….
The anxiety….
The will to excell...
The feeling of independence..
Added to this, the pinch of absent-mindedness and trance-like feeling that I went through this morning was one of its kind!
Walked into a room filled with 140 odd absolute strangers!
It was fun watching expressionless faces and unsmiling people..
I, for one, spoke to everyone I could possibly speak to on the first day.. ha ha! poor them!! :D
The background work that went into today was even more fun than today…
Shopping around on Comm. Street in the rain with two wonderful friends, sure is a lot of fun. Was a great destresser! He he! :) Thanks an! Thank u junnie!
Got to know a million things(literally) about Hp today.
An information overload of sorts…. (Even in the programming sense!)
N this after jus 3 sessions.
N we have 15 sessions to go!
Phew!
But then, walking back home felt great!
Hey, but am far too young to be this old!
Aint I?! :)
This is said to be one of those days that ll always remain in ur memory.
For me it certainly will be..
The mild nervousness….
The excitement….
The anxiety….
The will to excell...
The feeling of independence..
Added to this, the pinch of absent-mindedness and trance-like feeling that I went through this morning was one of its kind!
Walked into a room filled with 140 odd absolute strangers!
It was fun watching expressionless faces and unsmiling people..
I, for one, spoke to everyone I could possibly speak to on the first day.. ha ha! poor them!! :D
The background work that went into today was even more fun than today…
Shopping around on Comm. Street in the rain with two wonderful friends, sure is a lot of fun. Was a great destresser! He he! :) Thanks an! Thank u junnie!
Got to know a million things(literally) about Hp today.
An information overload of sorts…. (Even in the programming sense!)
N this after jus 3 sessions.
N we have 15 sessions to go!
Phew!
But then, walking back home felt great!
Hey, but am far too young to be this old!
Aint I?! :)
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Memories of a Village City.
As the train pulled into the station slowly, several fond memories of my destination ran through my mind. During the journey I recalled how I would always end up eating ‘madduru vade’, ‘kadle kai’ and ‘sapota’ , when I was much younger and how I would religiously throw little coins into the two branches of Kaveri and how I would play with any person who would happen to be anywhere close to our seats! The short ride in the rickshaw reminded me of days when I would pester my mom or whoever else would accompany me (he he!) to call for a Tonga guy. Horses always fascinated me. And so did bumpy Tonga rides :)
For several years, the city of my birth, Mysore, was my summer and winter holiday destination (any other school break longer than a week would qualify as a vacation as well :D) and no vacation was probably ever complete with a whole lot of visits all around the city. Visits to the Zoo, the KRS dam and Brindavan gardens, Chamundi Betta, the Palace and Art Gallery were a half yearly or atleast an yearly affair. Not to forget looting mom n dad at the Dussera Exhibition every year. He he he!! Somehow buying kutti coloured umbrellas, little bags, and wooden toys during every visit to the KRS dam or exhibition became mandatory.
Being the first grand daughter at my maternal grand parents place, I was this totally pampered kid.. and man, I enjoyed it!
Still do.. :)
My uncles and aunts awaited my going there, as soon as my annual exams got over. As a little kid, guess I was pretty mischievous. And a total source of entertainment to everyone around... he he! My family runs a printing press there, which used to be a type press before and I would try and compose lines for them using metallic letters and would make such a mess! Supposed to have composed one whole debit voucher (which for some reason I thot was debitocher!) and without any mistakes at the age of 9 or 10.. :)
Going to the ‘city’, as the business oriented localities of the place are called, on the luna (yes, mysore was and even today, is typically known for the unbelievable number of lunas of various models that u would have never ever seen in Bangalore!!) and riding back, sitting on the reams of paper and the like, that were purchased was, for me, a total treat! Visiting the several client factories to receive and deliver orders was another fun activity then.
Playing with ever so newly bought badminton rackets in the evenings with all the grown ups in the house was a matter of pride :D The Saraswathi Puram Park or the lovely ‘kukkarahalli kere’ and manasa gangothri campus were among favorite evening haunts.
Well, I could go on forever about everything associated with this wonderful place and I would still have things left to say and describe!! My little visit this week made me realize how much those days have helped shape me as a person. Although, Long walks on lovely roads were a part of my routine this time as well… honestly, I missed school and missed summer hols even more.. :(
Sadly, the place has started getting the busy and oh-so-corporate feel of Bangalore, with food worlds and coffee days coming into the city (no thanks to the advent of infosys and wipro and the like) More ‘scooties’ move around than dear old 'lunas'. Cyber cafes have become a matter of every galli, although thankfully not as much as Bangalore.
Being not so advanced and yet so cultured has always been characteristic of Mysore and this according to me makes it as unique as it is and truly a retired man’s paradise.
A place certainly worth being in.
And a place that will always be my little haven.
Hope to go back there more often and probably even for ever, much later :)
For several years, the city of my birth, Mysore, was my summer and winter holiday destination (any other school break longer than a week would qualify as a vacation as well :D) and no vacation was probably ever complete with a whole lot of visits all around the city. Visits to the Zoo, the KRS dam and Brindavan gardens, Chamundi Betta, the Palace and Art Gallery were a half yearly or atleast an yearly affair. Not to forget looting mom n dad at the Dussera Exhibition every year. He he he!! Somehow buying kutti coloured umbrellas, little bags, and wooden toys during every visit to the KRS dam or exhibition became mandatory.
Being the first grand daughter at my maternal grand parents place, I was this totally pampered kid.. and man, I enjoyed it!
Still do.. :)
My uncles and aunts awaited my going there, as soon as my annual exams got over. As a little kid, guess I was pretty mischievous. And a total source of entertainment to everyone around... he he! My family runs a printing press there, which used to be a type press before and I would try and compose lines for them using metallic letters and would make such a mess! Supposed to have composed one whole debit voucher (which for some reason I thot was debitocher!) and without any mistakes at the age of 9 or 10.. :)
Going to the ‘city’, as the business oriented localities of the place are called, on the luna (yes, mysore was and even today, is typically known for the unbelievable number of lunas of various models that u would have never ever seen in Bangalore!!) and riding back, sitting on the reams of paper and the like, that were purchased was, for me, a total treat! Visiting the several client factories to receive and deliver orders was another fun activity then.
Playing with ever so newly bought badminton rackets in the evenings with all the grown ups in the house was a matter of pride :D The Saraswathi Puram Park or the lovely ‘kukkarahalli kere’ and manasa gangothri campus were among favorite evening haunts.
Well, I could go on forever about everything associated with this wonderful place and I would still have things left to say and describe!! My little visit this week made me realize how much those days have helped shape me as a person. Although, Long walks on lovely roads were a part of my routine this time as well… honestly, I missed school and missed summer hols even more.. :(
Sadly, the place has started getting the busy and oh-so-corporate feel of Bangalore, with food worlds and coffee days coming into the city (no thanks to the advent of infosys and wipro and the like) More ‘scooties’ move around than dear old 'lunas'. Cyber cafes have become a matter of every galli, although thankfully not as much as Bangalore.
Being not so advanced and yet so cultured has always been characteristic of Mysore and this according to me makes it as unique as it is and truly a retired man’s paradise.
A place certainly worth being in.
And a place that will always be my little haven.
Hope to go back there more often and probably even for ever, much later :)
PS: I dedicate this blog to my family in Mysore - thatha, ammamma, mama's, athe's and the 4 little ones... :)
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
The D-Day
The following is one of the things that I have always believed in, even without ever letting it really affect me.. :D
‘ Nobody needs you more than yourself…
And more importantly YOU need no one more than yourself.’
Hmm..
I suddenly feel this great need to free away from everything. everything and every person around me. My life feels like a big wreck and if ya want to hear it from the horse’s mouth, I am not happy with it.
Lots and lots of things actually.
Every time I have set my heart on something that I really really want, I have found myself getting discouraged by what is happening in my life otherwise.
You know how it is. In every stage of your life there is always this one person with whom you are more closely associated than with most others.. could be your latest crush, your dad, mom, ur best friend, ur sister, brother, ur boy friend… whoever… n u tend to be most attached to that one person during that phase in ur life.
And so has been the case with me too. And I have always asked for constant warmth and understanding from this one person. My apologies to all those who have felt pressurized due to the same.. :)
Hmm..
I am someone who is hyper sensitive to criticism from anyone. That’s cuz I actively respond to it in my own way. Instead of brushing it aside, I end up taking it in my stride and doing what I can to change whatever has to be. And knowing that most people are not open minded enough to change for the better when required, am proud of the fact that I can be otherwise!! :)
But, It is when I get constantly rebuked that I can’t handle things well.
Cuz it makes me feel like a failure. Like an under achiever.
Which I probably am. But it doesn’t help the cause if I feel that way does it??
In a world of super achievers and super ambitious people, someone who is as aimless and frail as me probably has no place. But this is the way I am. And I am happy being like this most of the time.
It is when everyone seems to be telling me that I am to be blamed for everything that is going wrong that I get totally freaked out!!!!
And one fine day, when I wake up, I realize just that… that it is after all, all my fault!!
Completely mine!
I have been dumb enough to not realize when I was prioritizing wrongly.
I have gotten close to people on my own accord.
I have let then hurt me.
I have been dumb enough to value people who don’t value me.
I have given more than I ever got from some people who don’t deserve it.
I have been less focused than I ought to have been, in whatever condition.
And so on and so forth.
All the fault lies with me…!!! :((
Then how on earth can anyone or anything make any difference to me but myself??!
Another aspect of this whole stupid getting-easily-attached-to-people thing about me is that, no one has ever proly been as attached to me as I have been to him/her.
And that not just hurts like it would ordinarily, it does a lot of damage to my thought process, to my personality and can even succeed in destroying me completely at that point of time.
Its not someone not professing what they feel or think of me that is lacking. After all if ya really do give importance to something it will show in ur words and actions without u having to say anything! When u hang up on someone every time u get another call, when u don’t call for weeks or months even as the case maybe, when ya always have some thing more important to do, when ya feel all cranky talking to someone, when you pretend that everything is fine when its not even close to that, when ya fail to discuss yourself with someone, so on and so forth………..
It could either mean u want some distance for whatever sane or insane reason or that u don’t really care or think much of that someone.
I can deal with the former very well. I know how it is to want some space. And it is exactly that I am trying to get at through this blog. :)
It is the possibility of the second that scares the hell out of me.
Then again, Its jus proly nature’s way of telling me that I ought not to be attached to anyone. That I work better when I am alone.
So, well..
That brings me back to where I started… to the get-away-from-everything-human part.
Realized that I need to move away, only on some introspection into my own actions and words over the last few days.
If ya are a part of my everyday, I hope you do understand this and let me be until I feel (if I do) other wise.
‘ Nobody needs you more than yourself…
And more importantly YOU need no one more than yourself.’
Hmm..
I suddenly feel this great need to free away from everything. everything and every person around me. My life feels like a big wreck and if ya want to hear it from the horse’s mouth, I am not happy with it.
Lots and lots of things actually.
Every time I have set my heart on something that I really really want, I have found myself getting discouraged by what is happening in my life otherwise.
You know how it is. In every stage of your life there is always this one person with whom you are more closely associated than with most others.. could be your latest crush, your dad, mom, ur best friend, ur sister, brother, ur boy friend… whoever… n u tend to be most attached to that one person during that phase in ur life.
And so has been the case with me too. And I have always asked for constant warmth and understanding from this one person. My apologies to all those who have felt pressurized due to the same.. :)
Hmm..
I am someone who is hyper sensitive to criticism from anyone. That’s cuz I actively respond to it in my own way. Instead of brushing it aside, I end up taking it in my stride and doing what I can to change whatever has to be. And knowing that most people are not open minded enough to change for the better when required, am proud of the fact that I can be otherwise!! :)
But, It is when I get constantly rebuked that I can’t handle things well.
Cuz it makes me feel like a failure. Like an under achiever.
Which I probably am. But it doesn’t help the cause if I feel that way does it??
In a world of super achievers and super ambitious people, someone who is as aimless and frail as me probably has no place. But this is the way I am. And I am happy being like this most of the time.
It is when everyone seems to be telling me that I am to be blamed for everything that is going wrong that I get totally freaked out!!!!
And one fine day, when I wake up, I realize just that… that it is after all, all my fault!!
Completely mine!
I have been dumb enough to not realize when I was prioritizing wrongly.
I have gotten close to people on my own accord.
I have let then hurt me.
I have been dumb enough to value people who don’t value me.
I have given more than I ever got from some people who don’t deserve it.
I have been less focused than I ought to have been, in whatever condition.
And so on and so forth.
All the fault lies with me…!!! :((
Then how on earth can anyone or anything make any difference to me but myself??!
Another aspect of this whole stupid getting-easily-attached-to-people thing about me is that, no one has ever proly been as attached to me as I have been to him/her.
And that not just hurts like it would ordinarily, it does a lot of damage to my thought process, to my personality and can even succeed in destroying me completely at that point of time.
Its not someone not professing what they feel or think of me that is lacking. After all if ya really do give importance to something it will show in ur words and actions without u having to say anything! When u hang up on someone every time u get another call, when u don’t call for weeks or months even as the case maybe, when ya always have some thing more important to do, when ya feel all cranky talking to someone, when you pretend that everything is fine when its not even close to that, when ya fail to discuss yourself with someone, so on and so forth………..
It could either mean u want some distance for whatever sane or insane reason or that u don’t really care or think much of that someone.
I can deal with the former very well. I know how it is to want some space. And it is exactly that I am trying to get at through this blog. :)
It is the possibility of the second that scares the hell out of me.
Then again, Its jus proly nature’s way of telling me that I ought not to be attached to anyone. That I work better when I am alone.
So, well..
That brings me back to where I started… to the get-away-from-everything-human part.
Realized that I need to move away, only on some introspection into my own actions and words over the last few days.
If ya are a part of my everyday, I hope you do understand this and let me be until I feel (if I do) other wise.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Insight..
Hmm... Its been such a long time since I penned down my thoughts... The reason being that I have been analysing myself and whats happening around me so much that I havent found the time or interest to do other things.. Basically I am this extremely self-critical person and I look for perfection from myself. Offlate too many things have been happening and at one point of time, I found it vey difficult to deal with a variety of people each of whom is very important to me.. I have been struggling to be my normal self for quite some time now.. WHAT is my normal self like? well.. dont ask me.. am yet to figure that out too... :)
Even right now, there are too many thoughts running parallely in my head for me to focus on one of them and continue with that train of thought.. Guess, THAT is one thing 'normal' to me.. 'parallel processing'. I have always found myself 'juggling' between things, people, places, thoughts, ideas, emotions.... u name it n u've got it! Note that I said 'juggling' n not 'shifting or moving'... That simply speaks my state of mind I guess.. Am quite clearly lost.... :) And I love it like this...! Coz i interest myself.. N theres this urge to get to know me better.. Since no one else can feel like that for me n definitely not consistently, this process of digging deeper into myself is even more thrilling and exciting..!! feel privilged to be the only one doing this! Call it being hyper or silly..well.. this is me.. not packaged to please anyone else but myself.. :)
PS: If u lost interest mid way, dont blame u.. has happened to many who have dealt with me..
Even right now, there are too many thoughts running parallely in my head for me to focus on one of them and continue with that train of thought.. Guess, THAT is one thing 'normal' to me.. 'parallel processing'. I have always found myself 'juggling' between things, people, places, thoughts, ideas, emotions.... u name it n u've got it! Note that I said 'juggling' n not 'shifting or moving'... That simply speaks my state of mind I guess.. Am quite clearly lost.... :) And I love it like this...! Coz i interest myself.. N theres this urge to get to know me better.. Since no one else can feel like that for me n definitely not consistently, this process of digging deeper into myself is even more thrilling and exciting..!! feel privilged to be the only one doing this! Call it being hyper or silly..well.. this is me.. not packaged to please anyone else but myself.. :)
PS: If u lost interest mid way, dont blame u.. has happened to many who have dealt with me..
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