Fake it till you make it?!

Have you found yourself wondering – ‘how the hell did this fool make it?’
Well, I have..
Especially after getting here..
Surprisingly, I have found that many people have learnt the art of making it by faking it.
How?? Yep.. Its possible.. Trust me, I have seen it happen…
All of us have some expectation of everything around us.. We have a picture of how an ideal friend should be, what would make someone girl/boy friend material, how a shirt should be, what makes an actress hot, how sweet should your tea be… etc etc..
In today’s plastic world, its an ‘Art’ (apparently! although I fail to understand how!) to be able to understand what someone wants and to be able to map oneself into that expectation! And how do you do that? Fake it, baby!! Like one Swamiji said – ‘fake it till you make it’!
To someone who has no sense of identity and individuality, to someone who has not her/his own style its not hard to just get into the shoes of the imaginary character that anyone has in mind.. And many succeed at this.. To make an impression of someone amiable, they will fake it all!! They will agree with you on a menu for dinner only to change it the next minute to align themselves to someone who is more influential at the table.. he he! Trust me! I have seen many (esp. of the female gender) do this kind of thing! Gosh! Beats me! What’s worse, the others at the table who are so happy with this transformation and flexibility (Open your eyes, dude! Cant you see she /he is trying hard to impress you?!), expect similar behaviour from others (esp. from the same gender!)..!
I, for one, hate to fake anything.. I can be nice.. I can be diplomatic.. But I cant fake it.. I cant tell you I love mushrooms just cuz you do, when I don’t like the sight of them even!
Being nice by nature is one thing.. Faking nicety to be in the good books of someone to the extent of not being true to yourself (if there is something like being true to yourself at all that is!) is not something that impresses me.. I find such people volatile and not reliable.. I’m not saying I would be more comfortable with someone who is totally inflexible, but I’m not comfortable with someone who is so flexible and adaptable (as such people are ironically called!) , that he/she reminds me of garden lizards and chameleons...

In a nut-shell, impression managers don’t impress me much!

PS: No offence to chameleons, I understand they only change colours for self-defence..

Muses..

I look at the calendar and it says October 1, 2008.
Thoughts run through my head from all corners of my life…
15 days into internship already… As an MBA, one of the things that you look forward to is your two month stint with the corporate world.. for many reasons.. one, you are away from the B School life.. like wow! Dint you just need a break? Two, you earn some money, finally!! Three, you expect to have a more relaxed life than you have had in the recent past.. finally, lucky few get to stay at home with family and friends..
For me, all the above have been true… I’m just too glad to be home, apart from the fact that I’m not getting to sleep as many hours as I had calculated when I left Mumbai.. Being an intern at Wipro at the Corporate office has been fun so far.. I have a wonderful team and the office is close to home which means riding up on my Kine (have been missing that for a while now!) and of course, good home food.. :) Thank god for small mercies!
The ‘2008’ in the date reminds me that its been a while since I turned 20 and I’m yet to ‘settle down’ like some of my close friends and mom would call it. I feel like saying – “Oh! Please..! Gimme a break!” I don’t know how, why, when, where.. but I feel I’m quite far from getting married if that’s what people are trying hard to push down on me.. For me, marriage is not about ‘settling down’! Its not about getting hooked to someone cuz you are 25.. Its not just about making your parents and grandparents happy cuz they think it’s the ultimate thing in someone’s life! Say no more! I’m tired of all this gyan that people have been showering (read throwing..) on me for God knows how long… For one, I hate the words ‘settle down’.. its unsettling to even hear someone say that! For another, I have had an overdose of these kinda discussions…!
Yet, I patiently tell them all, just this simple thing – when I find someone who I think will be the right partner for me, I’ll get married.. and that I’m yet to be in such a position where I know I wanna be married soon.. There is another thought one of my best buddies has - Seeing someone is not license enough to just get married.. He/she may be the one, but that’s not enough to think of marriage.. There are so many things to do before you think of about it.. We all want a companion, friend, confidante, partner with whom we can share everything, who loves and cares about us like none other, but as a ‘commitment-freak’ generation, we don’t want to think of anything beyond this comfort zone.. Reasons are many.. One could be that it’s too early.. I think I would feel too old if I thought of getting married! Two, many of us don’t believe marriage is essential for a wonderful relationship.. why do you need to get married? You don’t need to prove anything to anyone? Live-in relationships are a better option.. Three, this is perfect, but maybe there is something better out there? Four, I have a lot of company in the unmarried section of the society, who wants to be isolated? So on and so forth…
Hm.. ‘October 1’ reminds me that morrow is Gandhi Jayanti.. which brings memories of last year’s celebrations at SP where we had cultural programmes, video contests et all.. Reminds me of the exhibition of paintings at Juhu by Mr. Ashok Mody (Prof. Pallavi Mody’s husband). Missing all my friends – Rajat, Jaggi, Nishant, Shubham et all who went to the exhibition with me.
Oh ya, that also means morrow is a holiday! No work! Considering am super bored, sleepy and don’t feel like working, I am looking forward to morrow! Yippie!! :) Getting to meet friends also which makes it even more yum! :P
Dussera time too! So dolls decorated and arranged at home, meeting loved ones, loads of sweets and home food! Yo! :) :)
I don’t know if it’s the fact that we are about to break for lunch or that I don’t feel like writing any more about all that is haunting my thoughts or that I’m too lazy, but this post will have to end right here..

PS: my first post from Wipro.. :P hee!

Blogthing!

You Are From the Moon

You can vibe with the steady rhythms of the Moon. You're in touch with your emotions and intuition. You possess a great, unmatched imagination - and an infinite memory. Ultra-sensitive, you feel at home anywhere (or with anyone). A total healer, you light the way in the dark for many.

PS: He he! I love this stuff! Damn cool! What Planet Are You From?

We had joy! We had fun!

What is friendship? Is it wanting to hang around with someone all the time? Is it a sense of companionship which you feel when you are with someone? Is it jus a sense of security that someone out there knows you, likes you for what you are and admires you? Is it living life together by each other’s side? Is it sharing and caring for someone?

Is friendship a walk by the river hand in hand? Or a walk in the rain, with folded jeans for that little cuppa chai and masala puri that awaits you? Is it talking long hours on the phone jabbering about every little incident? Is it giving up your latest crush cuz you know your friend loves him? Is it always making time and keeping in touch? Is it what drives a weekend catch-up call across 7 seas or a lengthy STD call when on roaming?

Is it knowing that even after years of not seeing or talking to someone you can still connect within a jiffy? Is it meeting in a queue for movie tickets and feeling like you have known each other for ages? Is it spending hours together writing scripts for skits and plays? Is it spending hours planning life together, everyday? Is it about understanding that the special someone needs more airtime than you do? ..about you stepping two steps back so that the couple can get two steps closer? Is it knowing when someone needs a hug and when someone needs to be left alone?

Is it rushing to every fest in the town and celebrating in each other's company? Is it making trips across the town just to meet one last time before taking off on a weekend trip? Is it about having the comfort of discussing your screwed up love life over and over again? Is it that which makes you wake up at 5 in the morning and rush to deliver a surprise birthday cake? Is it going bankrupt but still buying the most expensive birthday gift you can?

Is it just love disguised and knocking on a different door of your heart?

It is a place that only you can fill...

Jaane tu.. ya jaane na...

Chingaari koi bhadke tho
saawan use bhujaaye.. saawan jo agan lagaye...
mind, a butterfly
yet not light or free
celebrating anniversaries for debacles
moments of sheer joy and ecstasy
love is to surrender..
there’s a place right there which is mine
entangled.. estranged.. evasive..
shyness still beams from her charming face
softly caressed.. yet deeply bruised..
never christened..
from you and I to US..
never let me go..
rejuvenate.. embellish.. entice..
am in a trance.. Are you too?

Really??

Have you ever noticed how the people whom you are closest to are the ones that hurt you the most? Although, I don't understand how, but it happens more often than not.
Being the person that I am, I must add the idealistic view to this post :P
OK.. look at it this way..
Why do any two people become friends? Because they enjoy each other's company or they like some attributes about each other or they are similar or opposite to each other.. and the list can go on.. Well, basically its about a comfort level with someone where you feel secure and protected to express what you feel or think, without having to be careful about what you say..
As humans, we are born greedy.. When something is going well, we expect it to be better.. and when it gets better, we want it to be the best.. On one side, this need and craving for something more and better is of course the basis of all kinds of progress at the macro level.. Stop! According to me, this is where we all screw it up with the most important people in our lives.
We expect more and more.. And most often, its like this never quenchable thirst for someone to not just relate to you but also to understand you and get better at being YOU.
Yes, like it or not, somewhere deep within, we all want someone to be very similar to us at the very basic level.. For instance, someone who plans a lot cannot be happy for long with someone who lives life as it comes. To each, it feels like the other person needs some kind of an 'improvement' (read alignment to the style that applies to you). What seems like a silly difference is not silly after all.. Its a very basic difference in character, in personality and it simply forms the basis of someone's reactions and his life, as such..
Nothing wrong.. But probably nothing very right either..
I think friendship is beyond jus matching traits..
In the whole bargain of trying to find a matching friend (read someone who likes what you like and does what you do etc), we end up losing or atleast spoiling things with the 'friend' inside the person.

Like one of my ol' pals said: 'Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of knowing that there is someone with whom you need not weigh your words or hide your thoughts'.

Cheers!

PS: fuzzy post this, I know.. Wrote this loooong back.. somehow cudnt complete it and post it until now! :)

Inspired by the OPA framework..

O - Objectives P - Principles A - Attributes
' A framework that can be used in any domain..', said Dr. James D Arthur during one of the Virginia Tech contact sessions on 'Software Design and Quality', here at SP. Words enough to switch me into another 'gear' and get my thoughts headed in a parallel direction.
Well.. here I am.. now..

Everyone of us has a purpose, so to say, 'an objective' which we hope to achieve by the end of our lives. Infact, to some, it may be 'a set of objectives.' To achieve these objectives, we formulate some methods or ways of living our lives. These methods or processes are governed by some principles that we lay down for ourselves. Also, we are blessed with attributes such as resilience, strength, character, dynamism, boldness, helpfulness etc... (any adjective that can describe a human being, really! :) )

If you think about it, how happy or how successful we feel at any point in time, depends on how we go through life, within this framework. Whether or not we feel, we have achieved or in the process of achieving our objectives, within the boundaries of what our principles allow us to do, feel or think AND using the potential hidden in our attributes, indeed determines how happy and satisfied we feel with our lives.

On a lighter note, for instance, say Betty's objective is to marry someone really really rich! :D
And say her principles are honesty, sticking to ethics, straight forward behaviour, kindness etc. Betty would do whatever she can to get him, keeping in mind that she should be honest, true in the way she portrays herself, should not do anything illegal, should not harm anyone in the process or whatever else.. :)
And the attributes that might help her achieve her objective could be: intelligence, smartness, beauty and sex appeal, networking skills, communication skills etc etc :D

Yes, there are always constraints thrown in and external factors do sometimes control our lives more than we can. But, the point is those are common to the whole world. Arent they? Right now, I feel like being more of an extreme optimist than a realist, I believe thinking in this framework makes me happy.
So, we all work under constraints and in the OPA framework, unknowingly or not...

This post is dedicated to Arthur Sir for the wonderfully enriching sessions and his truly warm demeanor. Thank you, Sir.. :)

A burnt child dreads the fire..

Have you ever felt let down by yourself? When you feel helpless about something that you have done? Thats the worst kind of feeling you can feel! You know you could have done better, but you got mislead by your own judgment, your own reasoning, your own feelings.
Sometimes, things can go so wrong that you get scared of them!

Experts say, experiences in childhood and teenage - whether good or bad, can have tremendous influence on our minds and thoughts. And some of these have such a long term impact on you that your entire being is based on them.

Being attached to people, be it friends or family, has not particularly worked for me. So, every new encounter with a stranger which I can see move gradually towards me being attached to him/her scares me.... drives me up the wall! I know past failures don't determine future events, but the fear of myself is there and it haunts me..

Thats it for now.